Clothes Off!
by expletive deleted
Summary: Seven Vongola guardians, slightly too much champagne, and one trampoline: it's going to be a night to remember. Hibari/Ryohei/TYL Lambo/Tsuna/Gokudera/Chrome/Yamamoto, 100 percent crack.


Once, I came across the phrase "For all your OT7 trampoline porn needs". It was inspiring.

* * *

"THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE."

"Would you _shut up_, Onii-san—"

"Full of the famous Mediterranean warmth! Celebrated with real French champagne! Quiet on the beautiful back lawns of the Vongola mansion!

"And clothing-optional!"

BOUNCE.

"We can't seriously be doing this," Tsuna said, and added, "WOAPH!" at the aftershocks of the bounce. He banged into someone and scrabbled backwards desperately once he realised who it was. "Sorry, Hibari-san!" Hibari slid down the jouncing rubber and back into the centre of the trampoline.

"Sawada!" Ryohei bounced in and out among the Vongola guardians as he yelled, shedding his three-piece suit. "You don't have the right attitude at all! LET ME HELP." He was descending on the last words, watching Tsuna grow more wide-eyed with each millisecond, and then grabbed him around the waist for the upward bounce. With the dedication of a true sportsman, the three-second arc through the air was enough to discover and make good use of Tsuna's sensitive ears.

"Wha," said Tsuna, "what! I don't think Onii-sa_nnnngggh._" And they landed, face-down, hard enough to jolt Hibari back from the edge of the trampoline once again.

Ryohei gave Tsuna a companionable thump on the back, and then went with the mood and put a hand up his shirt. Tsuna shuddered. "THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!"

"Be _careful_, Lawnhead!" Gokudera wriggled out from under Chrome and Yamamoto. As usual, he could've spared some concern for himself - liberties had been taken with his trousers, and as he clawed along the rubber they ended up hanging from one leg.

"OCTOPUS-HEAD!" Ryohei beamed at him, and the expanse of exposed skin and wiry muscle. "It's good to see you feel the team spirit!"

BOUNCE.

He landed on his back beside Gokudera, knocking him onto his elbows and making him scowl even now, but Ryohei mustered his gentlemanly instincts. "And you have beautiful eyes!"

Gokudera stared down, his scowl - not quite fading. He just about let himself look surprised. Then those pale green eyes got closer to Ryohei, and the suggestion of warm breaths, the movements gradual as Gokudera was shaken by the bounces from Yamamoto and Chrome, Hibari, and Tsuna.

BOOM.

—and Lambo. The smoke from the ten-year bazooka cleared to reveal the older version of the thunder guardian, who stared, turned bright red, and squeezed both eyes shut.

"Did you see this?" Tsuna howled, frozen in horror. "_Did the kid version of you see this_?"

"Your concern moves me, Vongola," said Lambo, and opened one eye a fraction to stare again. Then the concern apparently moved him to toe off his sandals and climb on the trampoline. "But honestly, I was scarred for life long, long, long before that; I might as well get something out of it now. In the future, did you know—?" He sprawled over the side of the trampoline to grab the bazooka, and a series of clicks and bangs ensued. "We've discovered how to get twenty-five more minutes out of the bazooka—"

Tsuna raised a despairing face to the heavens. "What kind of coming of age party is this!"

"The best," said Lambo, fervently, turning back a smoke-smudged face on the verge of tears. He looked over the other guardians like he didn't know whether to get out of more clothes or to straight-up explode, and then dived to bury his face in Tsuna's arms.

Sheer force of habit got Tsuna hugging him. It scrambled his brain a little to realise that this Lambo was slim and strong and warm, and he spoke over rising panic. "If you want to join then - I can't believe I'm saying this - then fine! Just let me get out!"

"No, Tenth!" Ryohei lost Gokudera, who scrambled away at a furious speed. So—BOUNCE—he went to greet Chrome, and complimented her new eye patch and increasing lack of anything else.

"Tenth!" Gokudera said, grabbing his shoulder. "You ... will hurt yourself, climbing out, getting knocked around! So hey, you guys, get Hibari! He's not allowed out if the Tenth isn't!"

"That seems rude." Yamamoto grinned beatifically at Gokudera, one hand sliding up Chrome's thigh. "If he _wants_ to get out—"

"Quick! That guy's sliding into base!"

Nought point five seconds later, at the very edge of the trampoline: "Dirty trick, Gokudera. If I let him go now he's going to kill me," said Yamamoto, looking at the stunned disbelief fading rapidly off Hibari's face.

"So keep him busy!"

"That's terrible advice! Hibari-san will be mad!" Tsuna said. "And this is all nuts, and somebody's going to get an elbow where it'll hurt, and I don't want it to be me!"

"Did everybody hear? The Tenth gave an order. Watch your elbows!"

"He's ticklish!" said Yamamoto, sounding relieved. The trampoline shook as Hibari squirmed under the work of busy fingers, stuffing the sleeve of his shirt into his mouth in overwhelmed frustration.

Gokudera assessed the situation. "He's not ticklish, you dumbass, he wants to fuck you blind."

"He wants—uh." But however much the straightforwardness caught him off guard, Yamamoto should not have stopped tickling.

Gokudera watched for a second more, pupils dilating and tongue flicking over his lips as Hibari twisted and struck with the speed of a snake, one bounce, two bounces, and Yamamoto was on his stomach with Hibari straddling him. Hibari began to make short work of Yamamoto's shirt. With his teeth.

"PRETEND IT'S WRESTLING!" said Ryohei, and jumped on top of them. The rubber heaved and flung Lambo and Tsuna into Chrome.

"It's not wrestling!" Gokudera yelled.

"_PRETEND!_" He got Yamamoto in a headlock and gave him a loving, distracting noogie as Hibari started on his belt. "OPPONENTS SHOULD BE RENDERED PRONE WITH VIGOUR BUT THE LEAST POSSIBLE HARM, AND ALWAYS RESPECTED!"

"What's that supposed to - how much stupidity can one man—" Gokudera landed beside the dogpile on his boss. "Tenth? Any elbows?"

"Just ... just... Oh."

Tsuna's measurement of events had flipped from 'worst' to 'best'; Chrome was a surprising kind of determined, with her bright-eyed focus and reddened lips, winding her arms around any tenderness her fellow guardians showed.

"Wrestling," said Lambo faintly, Adams apple bobbing as he gulped, and prepared to dive at them. Gokudera dived at him first.

"Don't listen to that Lawnhead. That has nothing to do with it!" he said, taking Lambo in a headlock, and even though it was totally, definitely nothing like wrestling, there was a lot to be said for two bodies locked in an almost-fight, digging in and working against each other, then _with_ each other.

Thoroughly distracted, they fell across Chrome and Tsuna's legs, and with a few bounces the tangle ended up splitting up in new ways. Gokudera watched from the corner of his eyes as Tsuna slid headfirst into Yamamoto, who in spite of Hibari's avid attentions still managed to have the wherewithal to reach out and steady and kiss Tsuna, and then turned all his attention to what was in front of him.

A sound broke out of Chrome's throat, quiet, but still the loudest thing he'd ever heard from her. "Does that work?" he asked, blushing, his eyes keen, and grinned as she bit her lip. "H-hell yeah."

Lambo cushioned Chrome's head against his chest and kissed her fingers when she took hold of his hand, putting that would-be playboy act to actual good use, and Gokudera felt obscurely proud about that too. Ryohei bounced over to congratulate Lambo on his chivalry, for a very special definition of 'congratulate'.

The guardians fell and slid against each other, none of them even caring to notice the lack of distance; by this point it was a matter of convenience. It was shockingly simple to work around each other's different knacks and needs, to let things work that really shouldn't and keep going, a little more, a little faster, even closer—and there probably hadn't been any turning back since the point in the evening where Ryohei had declared that they should all join Hibari in 'training' on the giant trampoline.

Eventually, the trampoline springs stopped their squeaking and the air was filled with the sound of people regaining their breath. They settled more comfortably against each other, pleasantly worn out and half-asleep in shared warmth.

"I bet we broke a world record!" Ryohei said, and gave a (slightly wobbly) punch into the air.

"Against every expectation," Tsuna muttered, almost as if he agreed, and finished silently, _I love you guys._


End file.
